5. Chemo was last week....

....I'm loosing more and more of my eyelashes...and eyebrows....I bought fake eyelashes to replace the old ones...gladly it works as long as I'm having a few of my old ones...
today was my moms 50th birthday....I met her in my dreams last night....I can't remember what she said but I'm sure she was there to show me that she cares for me 
tomorrow I'm getting the result from the gen test...they will tell me that I'm having the cancer gen brca1 ...it measns 60 % risk to get breast cancer again and a 60 % risk to get ovarian cancer

...but I'm fighting ...this was the last and the first time that I had cancer...there are so many plans for my future...
2010 will be my year...definetly !!!

3. Chemo today

yeah...it's my 3 chemo today...so only 3 to go ...time to celebrate a bit ^_____^
I had some amazing days with my lovely friend Dani (we know each other since 11 years)...we spent hours just chatting and having fun...we had an amazing brunch in a lovely cafe on a sunny day ;)
I met my sis and I spent two days with her at my grandparents summer house...I went swimming 5 times and even without wearing a hat or anything else...(and of course some people starred at me)....
everybody told me that I have a pretty head and I look cool without hair....lol

can't wait to go back to meet Dani and my grandparents in 3 weeks...sometimes it's good to have so much free time...now I need some lovely sunshine ;)

Biiiih hugs to you all....I promise I will be more active again soon !!!

btw...I own 10 different head scarf already...it's fun to mix them with my clothes...everybody told me that I'm looking good and not like a typical cancer victim ;)

*pic taken with macbook*

4. Chemo today

while I'm typing this I'm sitting in hospital and getting my 4 Chemo. ..it's already 3 weeks ago since I got my last one...
in the past 2 weeks I was really upset and depressed sometimes...I think I spent to much time in the cancer forum and reading bad news from other people,...
I made my decission that I wont check the forum again..just for the mails with other lovely woman ;)
I got my self the book "Getting well again" from Carl Simonton (does anyone know this book?)...it really help me to focus on life ...before I read this book I had only negative thoughts most of the times but now I'm planing my future again... ;)
on monday I will have a apointment with plastic surgeon ..I want him to remove my breast (both) to feel more safe...I know it sounds weird for people who are not in my situation but for me it's the only way to feel more comfortable ....

2. chemo today

while I'm writing this I'm getting my second chemo in the uniklinik göttingen...gladly they forgot to block my internet acount from my last stay in hospital....
I'm feeling fine today and I'm always waiting for the next chemo because it's one step closer  to get cancer cells out of my body ^____^
I will be tired and depressed for the next 3 days (I know it from last time) but I know it will go away...

*pic taken with macbook*

...loosing my hair

Since yesterday I'm loosing my hair...I will cut it short today...I'm afraid how I will look like without any hair ???!

...in uniklinik göttingen

I'm in hospital since yesterday morning...I went to routine blood test and the test results were so bad (less than 1000 leukocytes)that they decided to keep me here in isolation...

I don't feel ill or anything else...I feel fine so far..I just need to stay here untill the leukocytes rising over 1600...

maybe they will let me go home on monday..untill monday I will relax, takes pics from my room and enjoy the beautiful view out of room...

it feels like a hotel ...roomservice, tv, internet ...but there is one difference ...I'm not allowed to leave the room ^____^

Don't worry about me...just pray for the leukocytes to rise fast ;)

I hope the leukocytes won't be that low after next chemo otherwise I will get another chemo...but I really want that hard one to get all those cancer out of my body !!

*I will have internet connection from time to time ^_____^*

I had my first chemo on wednesday...

..my body is OK but my soul hurts....

I cry a lot lately...

mood: depressed

I went to the gynecologist today...

...it's a new one because my old one was incompetent and not very gentle..
my new one is amazing...she has a lot of experiences (she worked at the hospital before and did operations as well) and she said  to me
"We have to look after you very carefully "
she reassures me a lot <3

waiting for better days to come

I went to hospital today and I talked with the doctor about my medical care..I will start chemo next week (6 x FEC) and I will definetly loose my hair because it's a heavy chemo...

I will get the chemo untill early september and after that they will start with radiation + some other stuff (after radiation)

...today was one of those sad, depressing and crying days..I hope tomorrow will be a better day

*note to myself: need to find more headscarfs to cover my soon to be bald head*